Climb

     Y'know that feeling you get when you fall in a dream? The unexpected plummet? That crushing weight that knocks you down, never wanting you to get up?

    Do you know that feeling?

    It's like the floor fell out from under you, and you tumble through darkness until you land on the cold, hard reality of it all with a thud. The dust in your eyes alongside tears as every part of you aches and you long to scream and cry and beg...

    But you jumped. Now you want out again. You want to climb out. The walls crumble as you try to grab at it. The weight of your own body pulls you down as you try to haul it up. But you can't. You're just stuck. Nothing is going to change it. They told you to jump, and you listened. 

    I listened.

      So what was I going to do about it? What was I supposed to do to fix this? When did I become foolish enough to be the one who jumped? I'm down here, and it's only my fault. Am I going to give up?

    I've asked myself that question many times. I've tasted dirt and cried into the sand. I've screamed at empty voids and begged for an escape from all this pain... All the fear. But I could give up. I could sit here and wallow in my pain. It's all I could do.

    I sat at the bottom of that pit for a long time. Their harsh words rang through my ears, cutting open my wounds over and over again for years. Every reminder of the people who left me behind ached in my heart with every breath of air. Every thought felt like a reminder of how pathetic I was. It's a cold, dark place of torment, filled with nothing but agony. But even then, it can get worse. It got worse. I jumped down here because the people I trusted most, the people I trusted with my heart, told me to. I was a pile of sobs, filth, and tainted flesh. No bit of me was without a wound or ache, no part able to have any sort of relief. I was standing here crying because they told me to trust a man and take a leap. And I listened. 

     Then I dropped. I had dropped down a hole that had no escape. I dropped onto my knees with my hands in fists as I screamed at the cold black void.

    "Please, please, I thought there was always hope! I thought there was always a way out, always a light! Please get me out of here! If you're listening to me, please! Help me!"

    "Get up." 

    A voice of peace and calm rang through the space as a blinding light appeared, overwhelming my senses as I tried to shield my face. It was blinding me, whatever, or rather, whoever it was, but they were also warming me, from the center of my heart to the tips of my fingers and the top of my head, calming me, answering me. I reached a hand up towards the blurry figure in the center of the ray that was casting no shadows, encompassing my battered body of scars. As I looked into its fiery center, the wounds and aches began to burn with a fire of a thousand suns, a million forges. The slime sizzled and crumbled to the ground, the wounds began to fade and my body became still. I was not shaking, more did I ache, and I couldn't have ever been afraid. 

    "Come, child. It is time." 

    Tears of relief streamed down my face as I frantically ran to the nearest wall, grasping the nearest rocks and starting to climb. Mere minutes before, I was so weak I could not stand, but somewhere from deep within me, a fiery determination to follow that voice had lit, and I was not going to let it die. I grabbed rock after rock, clinging to every single one with renewed hope as each one stayed stable under my hand, eventually finding a rope to grasp onto. My hands hurt, and my body was screaming in agony of a rising fear as sweat pooled on my forehead, but I didn't stop. Nothing could stop me. The screams and demands to cease and turn back echoed in my mind, but they were easy to ignore now. Step by step, bit by bit, hand by hand, I climbed towards the blinding light as the pits below me started to crumble behind my every advancement. Fear was nowhere to be found as I finally reached the top, hoisting myself up and landing on my side on the smooth stone. 

    But now… there was no pain. My sweat was gone. My skin was unharmed. My once-tattered clothes were whole and unstained, my face was dry, and my once-howling thoughts were nowhere. I was still, for once.

    "Get up." 

    I sat up slowly this time. Carefully and cautiously, I hoisted myself up, my gaze fixed on the pit I had just climbed, now a hollow void. Part of me feared this was some strange dream. I looked over my hands as I stood there. Not a single scratch or speck of dirt after that climb, not one. The voice rang out again, soft and sweet. But now I recognized it. I knew it.

    "Come, child. It is time."

    I turned slowly with squinted eyes towards the light I had followed. Everything was still blurry as my vision adjusted, but once it did... It was a fire. Pure white and colossal, it filled the space with its blinding warmth. It did not burn in a pile of words of anger or coals of bitterness. Instead, inside was a platform licked by the flames. A silhouette of a man danced among the streams of shining blaze. My jaw did not drop; my eyes did not turn away; no fear entered my heart. A smile split across my face as I ran, laughing joyously as I bounded towards it, a hand outstretched. The second my finger made contact with it, it surrounded me, everything went white; all I could hear was a ringing in my ears.

    I blinked once, twice, three times. I once again sat up to see I was in a field of vibrant flowers. I could hear water running in the distance and children laughing beyond the trees. But the man had my attention. A man in pure red and white robes wrapped around him loosely, a gentle smile on his face, standing there with his arms outstretched. His smile couldn't possibly be more significant than my own, yet there it was, crinkling his beard and making him chuckle. I dashed over to him and threw myself into his embrace. It was warm, encompassing, and perfect. He kissed my head and squeezed me tighter, his own eyes brimming with tears. 

    "Welcome home child."

    This world is not forgiving, nor is it fair. Life is cruel, twisted, and unpredictable. Everyone is in some pain. Now more than ever, the world is a perilous place. Children's vibrant imaginations and endless wells of love and acceptance are constantly squashed by the reality of the world they were born into. I was one of those kids. I was once a bubbly talker who was passionate about everything and did not care but to befriend everyone I could. It hit me as young as 3rd grade. Slowly, I was rejected until I sat alone in a corner, crying my eyes out as all hope drained from me. I tried to move on. I tried to build myself up alone and love others without letting anyone love me back.

    I snapped and raged and cried as even my own family turned on me and hurt me. But then, one day, amid my anger as the biggest lie of all was revealed to me, for once, I was full of peace. I don't know how that was possible, me sitting there making the biggest gamble I had ever made and feeling so light. In the darkest time, in the lowest of lows, I was given the most precious gift. Hope. I tried to give it to myself, but I was never successful. Instead, I had to let go of my pride and be born again, erasing my bias and taking a sharp turn. So I did. And look where it got me. 

    If there is one thing I know, I know God. I know one God, the Almighty eternal, who crafted my body and soul of his own image, who created me a family and a future, who toiled over every detail until I was the daughter he wanted me to be. He is merciful, loving, powerful, and forgiving. He is the only judge without bias, the only king without greed, and the only father without error. He is my God, the one I can never deny, the one I wish to know.

    "You're going to make it. Trust me."-Psalms 23:5